Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What changed, and when?

This morning as I was dropping my 14 year old off at school, I marveled at how most of those high school teens had a Dunkin Donuts coffee in their hand. I was thinking to myself "Who has the extra money to buy DD coffee anymore?" Lucky kids. I haven't had the spare money to buy a coffee in years! It made me remember something from about 10 years ago. Every morning around this same time, I used to go to DD to get my coffee. For my baby (the 14 year old) this was the norm, every restaurant was measured in Dunkin. We would go to "Gunkin Icecream, Gunkin King etc..." She knew I ordered medium*hot*coffee cream*two*sugars*please*and*thank*you.

Thinking about that made me a lil' bit melancholy today. I used to take the same route all the time (good thing nobody was stalking me, I'm a predictable person)and saw the same things. At the end of my block there was a middle aged man with motorcycle. He had the most beautiful lawn. There was the old Italian grandpa who had most beautifully colored dahlias. The two gentlemen used to chat every morning over a cup of coffee while sitting on the front stairs.

I remember thinking out loud one particular sunny day as I drove by. "All is right with the world." I remember very well I felt this deep down, I really felt it. I had a house, I was a stay at home mom with two beautiful baby girls, a mortgage, two new cars, we had everything we needed. I was blessed and felt it to my core.

On today's ride home I passed the corner where my two gentleman friends used to chat. I wondered to myself, "When did it all change?" I realized I haven't seen my friends at the end of the block, my metephoric gauge. The middle aged man has moved, and I haven't seen the old grandpa lately. The world no longer seems "right." Have I become more realistic and less idealistic? I know that the world around me has changed a great deal, but what has changed within me to not feel the "rightness?"

This week Ellen had a contestant from The Biggest Looser. This woman lost her husband, toddler & infant in the blink of an eye in a horrible car accident. This beautiful and radiant woman sat there smiling and explained to Ellen why she was happy. After the accident she made a decision to chose and embrace life. She allowed herself to live and be happy. Her peace comes from the feeling that she will see her loved ones in heaven. I envied her serenity and grace.

It just seems harder to obtain that feeling that "the world is right." Was it that I lived with blinders on back then? Was it really a simpler time 10 years ago? I hate to think that I am not grateful or that I take for granted all that I have. I have the same stuff as I did back then (ok, a little more...ok...alot more!) My family has grown in the past 10 years, the two baby girls are now teens and have an 8 year old brother. My husband, myself and our three children have been blessed with good health. I still have the same mortgage, two cars & a few more "things" than we had ten years ago.

For today, I wish I had the answers or a clever way to explain why the world no longer seems right to me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Who knew?

Who knew that all the nurturing and kind things that I used to do for my kids would come back and bite me in the ass? When they were younger I used to do nice things for them, like making sure they had a napkin with their meals. I would see to it that those bothersome tags in their clothes were cut out. I got them the pj's they were most comfortable in..."Feeties for you? Ok, sure" "Oh? You like nightgowns? You got it." I made sure their booster seats in the car were elevated enough so they could see out the window instead of looking at the inside of the car door. Oh the list goes on. I did these things with love, I did. I wanted my kid to realize just how much I really loved them. By me performing these acts of love they would really feel it.

I never realized that by doing this they would come to expect me to perform these "acts of love" on demand. In a 24 hour span my 14 year old, the child I considered to be the most thoughtful and understanding of my brood rattled off a list of MUST HAVES for tomorrow. She needed her physical form to play field hockey in tomorrows game notarized (I don't know a notary.)Needed a new face mask to replace the one she lost LAST week (I paid $32.00 for that one and another $32.00 for today's replacement.) Needed help printing the report(s) she had all summer to do. "Geez, I didn't realize we had no printing paper." As usual Mom pulls thru for the child.

Come supper time she says to me "Why are you ordering pizza tonight? Yesterday you told me you were cooking sausage and potatoes on the grill." As I snorted "What more do you want of me?" I saw her take a breath so she could begin a sentence...I cut that child of mine off at the knees. "Say a word and I will rip out your tonsils." She said "I wasn't going to ask you for anything else. I just wanted to know if you were working tomorrow?" There is my sweet girl. Smart too. "No" I said "I'm not working tomorrow because it's you guys first day of school and I want to be there to see you all off." (Ya know one of those "acts of love" I was talking about) She couldn't quit while she was ahead, she had to have the last word by saying "Good, because I need my shin pads washed for my game after school."

I quit for the day. Done. Without washing the shin pads. I don't think I will wash them tomorrow either. I think I might just let her smell.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Let's try this again

So it's two months later and I finally get back here. Email, Facebook, much technology me to keep up with. Rita, how do you do it all??? The emails in one of my mail boxes is way over 500! Baby steps.

The kids are going back to school in five days, and I swear this is going to be the time I get myself together. I'm going to clean my house (I think), clean up my flower beds for the fall (maybe), and go thru that pile of important papers that are shoved in a box (I have to do that.) Back to school is like New Years Day to me, the kids go back to school and I resolve to do all the things that I have neglected.

I just wish I had a teeeny weeney little portion of "type A" personality in me. I don't. I have more ADD to my personality than I care to admit. Why can't I stay organized or clean for just one week? Because if I could, maybe it would spill over to the next week and I would feel so good about it that a month would pass by and I would say "I was organized for one whole month, I can do this." Nope. Not for a month, not for a week, not for a day. Not on a boat not with a goat not on a train not in the rain.

To all of you out there who are sending their kids back to school (or already have) "Happy School Year!"

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

MIA Momma

March 2nd to June 23rd. I've been absent from the blogging world for three months and 21 days. Fifteen weeks. That's five menstrual periods to this 42 year old MIA Momma. OK...So I have been gone for a little while. A lot has happened since then. Gas has gone up, again. My 7 year old boy turned 8 and by God's grace made his first communion. My oldest girl, Princess Lounge-Around won "Most Improved Musician" in her 8th grade band (hope they didn't judge her on her singing.) Ed McMahon died. Jack the stupid dog stopped crapping in my house (for the most part.) My middle child graduated from elementary school. Jon & Kate announced their divorce. And I gained 7 lbs.

When my kids returned to school in September I was supposed to have more time to myself. Sounded so nice. Didn't happen that way. I started a new job the day they started school. Fast forward 180 school days was the last day of school. Funny wasn't my last day of work. So on this final day of school I am sitting here trying to figure out what my game plan is going to be for the summer. This is the first time that I have to do the summer juggle. I have always credited working moms and wondered how they figured it all out. I still wonder how they figure it out, cause I need some help here. Anyone? I have an almost 14 year old, a 12 1/2 year old and an 8 year old. The two oldest are girls and are pretty self sufficient. They can easily manage to constructively fill the hours that I'm not home. (What is so tough about laying on the couch, while watching tv in an air conditioned room while texting your friends?) The 8 year old boy is another story, he is very mischievous and imp of a boy...with beautiful green eyes. And I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

Tomorrow is his first day of school vacation and the boy will start vacation bible school. That will take care of 8 vacation days. Now according to Phineas and Ferb there are "104 days to summer vacation (and school comes along just to end it......") that leaves me with 96 days to figure out what to do with him. Not bad for someone who is new at this, huh? The only thing that keeps coming to mind is a roll of duct tape, I don't know why. I guess it will come to me what I am supposed to do.

I am going to try to be a regular blog reader this summer as I enjoy reading them so much. So in the spirit of change I will get back to reading my favorite blogs, instead of grabbing a paper back for my summer reading. So Miz Q? Rita? Stacey? Deb?...I will be lurking once again, I've missed following your blogs so much. And I just might even try to post a few of my own thoughts. (I still don't know how to link, otherwise I would have linked to your blogs, dear friends...sorry...still not there yet!!!)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Live like nobody is looking

I was playing "beat the clock" yesterday morning at JoAnn's Fabric. I'd dropped the kids off at Religious Education (we called it CCD in my day.) I lost track of time while I was in the store, it was snowing, the roads were rotten and I only had six minuets to get to church which was twelve minuets away. I was standing in line counting my fat quarters. Out loud. The lady in front of me turned around and said "six, seven, eight.... Sorry I just had to." I can appreciate humor. I laughed and said "Oh, I'm sorry you don't need to listen to the clutter in my head." She then said something to me that was very profound the second she said it "Eh, don't worry about it, you need to live like nobody is looking." I just stared at her and absorbed what she was saying, she then went on to say "Would I be standing here in my pajamas if I didn't?" I told her I didn't even notice...she said "That's because you were paying attention to what was important to you." We then chatted while we waited in line. I told her how I was late picking up my kids and she said "Didn't you ever wait out in the snow?" I said yes I did. I then shared it was not my worry about them waiting in the snow. My worry was people thinking 'rotten mother, was late picking her kids up.' She laughed and said "I told you don't worry about those people who you think are looking at you."

I got in the car and called my older sister who I knew would be picking up her kids at church too. I asked her to tell my kids to sit tight at church, that I would be there as soon as I could. She told me she would take them home for me. She then went on to tell me how much she loved me. Now to the untrained ear it would sound kinda crude and morbid, but knowing my sister as I do, she was outright professing her love for me by saying to me "I'll take them home, if you get killed on the road trying to get there I will be stuck raising three more kids." Thank you sissa .

Here are the fat quarters I got at the fabric store. My neice asked me if I would make her a quilt for her 13th birthday. Ask and you shall recieve. Only don't expect it on time. I'm about three quilts behind!

Off to live life like nobody's looking! You do the same.

The House of Mouse

I knew I had a picture of the boy looking in "the rathole" from a couple years ago. Here it is:

Thursday, February 26, 2009

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...

My favorite all time book to read the kids when they were little was "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." We read it so many times we can all recite it. Pffft...It's no longer my favorite, grab a brownie and I'll tell you why. A few years ago we had a few mice in the house. I think we killed three or four of them. That summer I went on a steel wool kick. I shoved steel wool in places where steel wool just don't belong, because supposidly that is the only thing that can stop a mouse. It was never determined where or how the mice got in and since then I never saw any signs of a mice.

This past fall I was straining to look in my neighbor's house looking out the front door. I happened to look down and see summin small scurry thru the leaves and UNDER my vinyl siding. I grabbed the broken sprinkler that the "traveling hands" (oh that boy of mine!) had dropped on the ground. I whacked the shit out of the side of the house, and finished off what plastic was left on the sprinkler. That muther of a mouse didn't come out.

Fast foward to February 25th. In a rare moment of relaxation I sat down on the couch to watch tv after the dinner dishes were done. Trying to obtain the feelings of serenity after a long day. YIKES!!! A little fucker mouse went running along the wall that the tv is on, and cornered himself behind some boxes. So I tell the man I married..he says "No sa." "YES...I DID see a mouse, get off your ass and move those boxes, he's behind them!!!" As I'm standing on the coffee table. I grabbed the puke bucket that just happened to be laying around (kids are still sick in this house.) I give the man the puke bucket to drop over the little fucker mouse. The man botches the whole operation, the fucker mouse ran back under the sink, and tries to tell me I was in the way! UH NO...I was back up on the coffee table! I sent the man out to the store to get some traps.

Feb 26th was a NIGHTMARE!!! Again after dinner all I wanted to do was relax on my couch. Wrong. Same thing as last night,a fucker mouse runs out of the "rat hole" as my boy calls it. I jumped up and chased the little fucker mouse back to where he came from and barked to nobody in particular "That's it, I'm going to bed!" So I set myself up nice nice in my bed with a cup of tea and my laptop, to start a post about a fucker mouse in my house. Then...then...that little fucker mouse ran right by me into my closet. In my closet!(How I managed to get in bed while my closet door was opened I have no idea. That's another story for another day.) there no room in this house that is off limits? (In my perfect world I like to think that mice just stay in the kitchen, and maybe the bathroom--but not my friggen bedroom!) That's it, I'm staying in this bed all night. I needed to tell someone of my dire circumstances, so I emailed and to tell them I was being held hostage in my bedroom, by a little fucker mouse, at which point the Princess comes in my room and says "I think I'm gonna throw up." Crap now I gotta get off my bed. Before I joined her in the bathroom to rub her back, I barked orders at the man to start rearranging the present sleeping arrangements, as I was not going to sleep in a room that had a mouse in the closet!! I made him carry the 68 lb. sleeping boy out of his bed, and move him to our bed. Big Daddy was going to sleep in the mouse room. I was sleeping with Princess in her room.

With that chore done I stood outside the bathroom door waiting for Princess to let me in the bathroom and that fucker mouse (or a butt brother of his)had the balls to go running right past me into my bedroom! After that, me and the puking Princess stayed in the bathroom for about two hours. Neither one of us wanted to go "out there." When we finally went to bed and were just falling asleep around 1:30 we heard "snap." Ok, so it was 1:27 am, we looked at the clock to notate the time of death. We both felt like it was ok to fall asleep.

We have since caught four more fuckers mice. I'm so grossed out and wish I could go somewhere until there are no more fuckers mice in my house!!! God, I hate mice (bugs to.)

So now my second favorite children's book gets bumped to first place. "Goodnight Moon" is officially now my favorite book. Wait, wait, wait!!! Hit pause. Isn't there a mouse in that book too?

Footnote: for those of you who are more humane and don't like that I have killed four of God's creatures, go away I respect your views

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

And the Password is.....

When I left work to say home with my kids 14 years ago, I was a third party biller in a hospital. I returned to the same office this past September. (It was weird at first because so many people are still there from when I left. It feels right and the money is good.) My boss took a chance on me and hired me back part time. I thought my brain had gone to mush and was beyond return. Happily I have found out that "I still have it."

Of course since I've been gone HIPPA has gone into effect and we no longer use carbon paper to duplicate a claim. Back then the computer that I used was the hospital's billing system, and it was a green and black screen. Now that I'm back I now have an updated title and am called a "Patient Account Billng Analyst." The green screen is gone, replaced by a this new operating system called Windows(anyone ever hear of it?) I have gone from remembering ONE password to having to put about NINETEEN passwords on a spreadsheet, for which, I need a password!

As time goes by, I need to change my passwords periodically. I had a hard enough time coming up with the passwords I had, for goodness sake!!! I'm out of ideas, I only have three kids, and their birth dates will never change. I am NOT creative at making up passwords that I can remember! Hell I can never remember how old I am, for get a friggen password!! Some programs require a capital letter and a symbol. Some need all caps, some need more than six letters, some need numbers, and most of 'em won't let you amend it by easily just adding a number to the end. Blah, blah, blah... Is it just me or are we inundated with passwords? A few weeks ago I need my social security number for something, and for the life of me I could NOT remember it. I had to look it up. And daym, it's not on my spreadsheet! My card was in the lock box. Where is that friggen key? Can you feel my pain? All these friggin numbers floating around in my head are messing with me.

Can't someone just invent a speed dial for passwords, like they have for phones?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Ok ok I learned that Wordless Wednesday is not applicable to someone who has not posted in two weeks.

With that said...I have been on a sick hiatus.
Early last week my oldest child, Princess Lounge Around woke me up at 11:30 pm to tell me she didn't feel good, could I sit on the couch with her. As we were sitting on the couch I go thru the whole list of what hurts. "Is it your head? You got a belly ache? You gotta poop? Do you feel like your gonna vomit?" Then I realized she had her head tipped back and was looking at the ceiling. "Ah ha 'a bloody nose?'" She tells me that she's trying to not throw up. And so the night began. When you think you're gonna throw up, you throw up. And she did. Six times. Poor dolly.

Wanna take a guess who got it next? That nasty virus had settled itself right here on Wilde Lane, because the Middle Child and Mommy got it. I thought I was going to D I E die. I have never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever thrown up that much (all three pregnancies put together I didn't throw up that much!) I laid in bed for two days groaning about wanting to be put out of my misery. I called my own mother on the phone and begged her to please tell me how to make it stop. She offered me some Coke syrup from her Fridge. Then she called back to say "Never mind, it expired." IN 1997. I swear to God. 1997. She said she remembered buying five bottles of it. When I talked to both my sisters a couple days later, they both too had a batch of the expired bottles from 1997. Since I know I threw mine away, that means my brother has a bottle of generic 1997 vintage Coke syrup in his fridge.

During one of my vomiting bouts in between heaves, the Man I Married knocked on the bathroom door and said "Does Jack have anymore dog food?" I said "Go Away" in my head I said "Piss off Fucker" (I do that alot, say something nice out loud and equally as foul in my head.) WHO DOES THAT? Who asks their vomiting wife where the dog food is???? Who? This from a man who I cannot talk to or look at when he is having an asthma attack. He needs to concentrate on his breathing. I get it. So DON'T ask me where the friggen dog food is!

My 13 year old took good care of me. She kept the ginger ale coming. She laid next to me in bed and listened to me moan and groan about how much it hurt. She never peeped one complaint how rotten she felt. Unlike me. Between the two of us we lost 16 lbs. I don't know about her, but the five I lost, found their way back. I pretty much slept (and bellyached) for two days. During the two days I was sick, I had a yearbook deadline due. I couldn't lift myself off the bed to get to the computer to submit what I had to. I did those pages in my sleep. Over and over again.

I took two days to decontaminate my house. I bleached every surface, I washed floors and threw open the windows. I'm sick of this cold and germy winter! I can't wait to complain about how hot it is!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program..... accommodate the DOG!

I have spent most of this miserable snowy/rainy day telling a dog that I have only a 31 day investment in to "get busy." I shoveled snow for this dog to do his business, I shoveled slush for him do his business. I shoveled slush mixed with shit so he would do his thang. And finally I shoveled puddles of water for this little boy to do his duty. I spent more friggen time with this dog out in the rain than I particularly care to. For what? A dog that I don't really like that much. He looks at me with sad eyes when I pick him up, turn him around and drop him back in a puddle and say "get busy." For some reason he likes me. Despite the fact that I kept dropping him in Mother Nature's mud puddle.

A little while ago, with supper dishes all cleaned up I thought I would sit down in front of the tv & computer with a brownie or three to spend a little me time. Nope. After spending the better part of the last 30 minuets outside, I took Fido in the house and gave him a treat (ok ok so he didn't produce, but it's a snacky kind of night.) He looked at me all wet, followed me to the couch and sat right on my lap all wet and stanky. He shook himself off then floofed up the couch blanket, sighed, looked at me and stuck his nose under my arm. Why me? This was supposed to be The Middle Child's dog. SHE was supposed to be the one to care for it, she and The Man I Married. Both professed their undying commitment to this house shitting, crate shitting, flea & ear mite infested mutt.

So here I sit with my arm up in the air as I type, lest I disturb the dog, I wonder what was I going to blog about if I didn't have the dog to complain about? Stacie, could you please pass me some lemonade to wash down my brownies?

Footnote...I tried and tried to link you Stacie, but I just couldn't figure it out. Maybe some time when I don't have a dog shoved up my armpit I can figure it out. Unless of course someone can explain

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Sweet and Condensed Version of What the hell happened to me in the past month!

Ok...So I have been missed. Thank you Stacie for dropping me a hello today!!! Rita...thank you for calling me. Suzie thanks for keeping me in the loop ...and Debbie on the Edge? Thanks for the hello last week...or was it the week before?!

So Christmas happened. It came and went. It was Christmas. Too much stuff, kids who take it all for granted, and the water from the tree stained my hardwood floor!

The day after Christmas we got ANOTHER dog. A mini dashaund. Now I have book ends. Holly our 3 year old mini doxie was living high on the hog till Jaaaaaaaaaack joined us. The Middle Child's birthday is the day after Christmas, so every year we try to "make it special." Pfft...this year we made it special allright. I had a weak moment when the Man I Married said "how about this one year old mini doxie that only cost $150.00, is house trained, crate trained, and loves kids?" So I said yes. I don't know why I said yes, but I did. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I had a brief moment of insanity I suppose, I barely like animals!

To summarize the past 31 days with Jack? We've been livin' a lieeeeeeeeeee. The girl who unloaded him on us lied, lied, lied to us. Her house smelled, that should have been the first clue when we went to pick him up. The five other, undernourished dogs and two ugly cats should have been the second clue. And the fact that she called us THREE times on Christmas day to be sure we would pick him up the next day should have been the third clue. She was desperate. We think it was probably for a drug fix. Seriously. This dog shits in the house, he shits in his crate, and growls at My Boy (who is 7) and my 3 year old nephew. He came with fleas, and ear mites. So this $150.00 dog has incurred more bills that his 3 year old sister ($90.00 for 6 months of Frontline, $85.00 for two dogs to be flea dipped, $24.00 for the new SMALLER crate that he still shits in, $205.00 in Vet bills cause there was no proof of vacinations with the flea bag, and $90.00 that I have to pay the friggen trainer to let the little fucker out while I'm at work!!! I didn't even pay child care for my babies!!!!!!!!!!!) Anyone keeping track of how much I'm up to here? Good think I went back to work, huh? I have to keep my eyes on him 24/7, lest he shits in my house. I keep telling the 12 year old "We don't live this way!!!!!" Argh!!!!!!!!

I have been working on the yearbook for the kids' elementry school, under duress. HOOK, LINE AND SINKER I got roped into it. ALONE. I have been wresteling with a computer program that the yearbook company claims is "user friendly." I am however NOT a friedly user. It stress me right the hell out. I have contributed far more hours than I have to give.

The job that I started in September (after a 14 year absense) was supposed to be 16 hours a week. I have been working 35 hour weeks. While the money is nice....I am not just ment to be a working mother. I like my job. I hate what I have to do to get there. Maybe in time I will get used to it? I don't think that I am doing anything different than any other working mom, I just am not handeling it as graciously as they are.

Oh and did I mention that I am dealing with identity theft? I've had two credit cards that have been frauduently charged on. I have both cards in my possesion, so I have no idea how they got my information. For some reason, someone wants to be me, imagine? Is it the new dog that shits in the house or the "userfriendly" yearbook program that makes it seem so attactive? I make it look fun don't I? I wish that person would just take the whole package, dirty house, piles of laundry, the dirty car, piles of snow to be shoveled, the freash kids and the lazy husband. I don't know if the same person has both cards, but one of them reeeally reealllly likes coffee. They spent about $800.00 total in Starbucks in California.

My hair needs to be dyed, my mustache waxed, and my legs need to be shaved (I never kept my New Year's Resolution to shave regularly.) What's not to want about my life?

I am going to suck it up and try to keep up with my blogging. Thank you friends for reminding me that there is a bigger world out there than this little one that I live in!!!!

P.S.--I actually am starting to like the house shitting dog. He had very sad eyes when he came to us, and is really coming to life as he gets used to us.
Jack the new dog is on the left, see those sad looking eyes? Holly the wider dog on the right is the well adjusted 3 year old chubby girl who has not a care in the world.