Thursday, February 26, 2009

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...

My favorite all time book to read the kids when they were little was "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." We read it so many times we can all recite it. Pffft...It's no longer my favorite, grab a brownie and I'll tell you why. A few years ago we had a few mice in the house. I think we killed three or four of them. That summer I went on a steel wool kick. I shoved steel wool in places where steel wool just don't belong, because supposidly that is the only thing that can stop a mouse. It was never determined where or how the mice got in and since then I never saw any signs of a mice.

This past fall I was straining to look in my neighbor's house looking out the front door. I happened to look down and see summin small scurry thru the leaves and UNDER my vinyl siding. I grabbed the broken sprinkler that the "traveling hands" (oh that boy of mine!) had dropped on the ground. I whacked the shit out of the side of the house, and finished off what plastic was left on the sprinkler. That muther of a mouse didn't come out.

Fast foward to February 25th. In a rare moment of relaxation I sat down on the couch to watch tv after the dinner dishes were done. Trying to obtain the feelings of serenity after a long day. YIKES!!! A little fucker mouse went running along the wall that the tv is on, and cornered himself behind some boxes. So I tell the man I married..he says "No sa." "YES...I DID see a mouse, get off your ass and move those boxes, he's behind them!!!" As I'm standing on the coffee table. I grabbed the puke bucket that just happened to be laying around (kids are still sick in this house.) I give the man the puke bucket to drop over the little fucker mouse. The man botches the whole operation, the fucker mouse ran back under the sink, and tries to tell me I was in the way! UH NO...I was back up on the coffee table! I sent the man out to the store to get some traps.

Feb 26th was a NIGHTMARE!!! Again after dinner all I wanted to do was relax on my couch. Wrong. Same thing as last night,a fucker mouse runs out of the "rat hole" as my boy calls it. I jumped up and chased the little fucker mouse back to where he came from and barked to nobody in particular "That's it, I'm going to bed!" So I set myself up nice nice in my bed with a cup of tea and my laptop, to start a post about a fucker mouse in my house. Then...then...that little fucker mouse ran right by me into my closet. In my closet!(How I managed to get in bed while my closet door was opened I have no idea. That's another story for another day.) there no room in this house that is off limits? (In my perfect world I like to think that mice just stay in the kitchen, and maybe the bathroom--but not my friggen bedroom!) That's it, I'm staying in this bed all night. I needed to tell someone of my dire circumstances, so I emailed and to tell them I was being held hostage in my bedroom, by a little fucker mouse, at which point the Princess comes in my room and says "I think I'm gonna throw up." Crap now I gotta get off my bed. Before I joined her in the bathroom to rub her back, I barked orders at the man to start rearranging the present sleeping arrangements, as I was not going to sleep in a room that had a mouse in the closet!! I made him carry the 68 lb. sleeping boy out of his bed, and move him to our bed. Big Daddy was going to sleep in the mouse room. I was sleeping with Princess in her room.

With that chore done I stood outside the bathroom door waiting for Princess to let me in the bathroom and that fucker mouse (or a butt brother of his)had the balls to go running right past me into my bedroom! After that, me and the puking Princess stayed in the bathroom for about two hours. Neither one of us wanted to go "out there." When we finally went to bed and were just falling asleep around 1:30 we heard "snap." Ok, so it was 1:27 am, we looked at the clock to notate the time of death. We both felt like it was ok to fall asleep.

We have since caught four more fuckers mice. I'm so grossed out and wish I could go somewhere until there are no more fuckers mice in my house!!! God, I hate mice (bugs to.)

So now my second favorite children's book gets bumped to first place. "Goodnight Moon" is officially now my favorite book. Wait, wait, wait!!! Hit pause. Isn't there a mouse in that book too?

Footnote: for those of you who are more humane and don't like that I have killed four of God's creatures, go away I respect your views


Miz Q said...

Oh thank hank you finally posted this, I was beginning to think you might have chucked your laptop at the lil fuckers! (I don't know how to strike thru, and 'sides, they are what they are)

As to the keyboard shortcuts and mousies, ctrl A selects them all, then go with the big Delete! ;o)

Stacie said...


definately need the DELETE key for that damn mouse!

I hate 'em too, I am really surprised we haven't seen any in this house...yet...and knock on wood!

Soxy Deb said...

You didn't friggin email me, which is just as well cause I would have laughed at you.
Kill the suckers by whatever means necessary. Take no prisoners.